House Mate Driving Me to Silent Screams

Subject: House Mate Driving Me to Silent Screams Thu Jan 22, 2009 9:55 pm

If I could afford to live on my own I would. If I had another housemate lined up I'd ask him to leave.

What I don't understand is that he didn't bother me this much at the other house. Is it just because this place is smaller?

But I also feel like he is doing stupider stuff. I keep trying to count my blessings. At least I HAVE a housemate. He does his own dishes and sometimes mine, he shares his food, he sometimes remembers to take the trash out, so what am I bitchin' about? Who cares if he puts food in the refrigerator uncovered and leaves it for several weeks? Who cares if he never cleans his bathroom (which is also the guest bath - going on 4 months now), or the ktichen. Who cares if he's sick all the time and spreads his germs all over the house because he's so fuckin' inconsiderate that he can't stay in his rooms. I mean who cares that he throws up LOUDLY and can't seem to close the bathroom door behind him as he heads into it. Who cares that he brings his sick 6 year old over all the time to infect the house if he hasn't already? I DO! Am I being unjust? I hate being one of those women with a list and yet here I am without even reallizing it!

I can't even have guests over for dinner without him hacking, sneezing or butting in on our conversations! He is effecting my life in the negative and that pisses me off until my hair is in flames.

Today was the last straw when he left this morning (to go to work so I thought - I also wondered why he didn't take a shower before work) (that's another issue - washing of sheets and clothing) about 1/2 an hour later he comes back into the house with his very sick little girl! I was furious! He and his ex are so fucking selfish they don't think about that poor little girl who needed to be home in her own bed not taken out in the damp and cold! He ex wants the free child care but won't let his take care of their daughter in her own home. Sigh. So instead he brings her here to infect THIS house. I had a very tough time not yelling at him (I wouldn't do that in front of his daughter). But I did tell him as I was leaving in a very cold angry voice "We are talking about this later!"

Okay please help! I need some advice - men too please! How can I talk to him and make him understand that what he is doing is unacceptable. He's 58 years old - he's not going to change, but I can't keep living with him like this or I will become a screaming banshee. Not something I want to be!

Subject: Re: House Mate Driving Me to Silent Screams Thu Jan 22, 2009 10:48 pm

Are You telling me he called off on work to baby sit? I understand that sometimes that happens, there is no-one else that can but the other parent. If she were going to day care they wouldn't let her come there if she were sick, why is it ok that its Your shared house. Put the foot down, there are going to be some things change. And, to be fair, ask him about things He'd like to see change there at the house as well. The not shutting the door to hurl, isn't right. He doesn't need an audience nor do You need the stereophonics. Dragging a sick child around is going to stop. Tell him the ex & him have to come to the agreement that sick kid stays home & gets taken care of in her own home. Bash it through his head that You don't need the germs, also thats one of the reasons he doesn't get well. BTW, what the hell was he doing having kids at 52???? Wrap it snip it or get a pill. Ok the bathroom, thats His, but the guest bath as well. Tell him i don't care what it looks like when its just the 2of Us, but such & such is coming over Sat night & it better be prersentable for company. If He can't take the hint about I'm having a friend over & we would really like to catch up uninterrupted then be blunt. Dude, get the shit You want or need before we set down to dinner cuz I really take offense to You crashing the evening. But, You have to extend the same courtesy to Him if he has anyone other than the kid over. You did your stint at motherhood, its not your job to fret over him & have to remind him of things. Art both names on the lease or just Yours? If its just Yours, I'd flat out tell him, things have got to come to a working understanding between the two of You, or its too bad too sad I'll start looking for another mate. The size of the house really only add a little to the aggravation, he wasn't any less annoying before, just closer due to size. Again,just amazed still throwing seed around at 52. Maybe You need to be a bit of a Banshee, but You are right, never in front of the little one, I have a feeling she has seen enough of that in her short lifetime

Subject: Re: House Mate Driving Me to Silent Screams Sat Jan 24, 2009 12:19 am

Okay I'm on beer #2 so if I don't make sense I'm blaming the beer!

Thanks Auntie for your response. Yes he was 52 and she was 45 - they got really lucky that this beautiful little girl is NORMAL. Spoiled but normal. She's really a pretty good kid. Its just that she's a kid. And like you said I raised mine already. I knew she was part of the package but the constant sickness is driving me mad. Because when ever she is around the world stops and he can't do a damn thing. He doesn't clean up after her and can't seem to understand that his housemate (me) doesn't want to hear those fucking little voices of her toys or cartoons.

You know, if there weren't so many idiotic, selfish and inconsiderate parents in the world out there I could like kids.

I did push the issue with the bathroom and he had our past housekeeper come over and clean it today finally.

Believe me Auntie I know I am not a perfect housemate -esp. with two cats that have the run of the house. They tend to spend most of their time in my room BUT they are around. And the old one likes to stand in the hallway and meow very loudly because it echos... You can have a dog debarked, can you have a cat demeowed? Ohhh off on a tangent!
Anyway what I was going to say is that I would of course ask him if he has some issues and I ALWAYS stay out of sight when he has his girls are over so he can spend time with them. Him have a female friend? After I get through having the yucky shivers I will answer that.
When he had a female friend last year, I was very polite. I met her, talked to her for a bit, if they invited me to have dinner with them I did sometimes but then always left them immediately after and spent the rest of the evening in my room. That house was so big however that it was easy to get away from the rest of the household.
Same when I get sick. I spend my time in the bedroom so I don't share. The only trip out is to the kitchen. Not him. He has to have the WHOLE house! I wanted to watch a movie the other night in the living room but he had all his shit in there. I didn't want company. I hate having a TV in the bedroom however... if it means I get peace during my movie... guess that's what I'm going to have to do.

Anyway, thanks for the answer...